***IMPORTANT PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT***
#1. Cayenne pepper should be used with great caution and should never be placed in a precarious position within the spice cabinet…particularly if the spice cabinet is located directly above the stove top.
#2. All lids should be tightly secured on all spice containers.
#3. Should the cayenne pepper fall from the cabinet and spill its contents onto the stove element, observe the following:
a. DON’T BREATHE FOR AT LEAST 30 MINUTES! Unless, of course, you enjoy the sensation of burning agony as each and every cilia in your lungs begin to wither and die…
b. DON’T OPEN YOUR EYES! Once again, should you find the sensation of your eyes flaming in their sockets pleasurable, then skip this admonition.
c. VACATE THE PREMISES! The fumes will remain for approximately 30 minutes, afflicting young and old alike with non-stop coughing, sneezing, wheezing, crying, whining and begging for mercy…
d. WASH YOUR HANDS WELL AFTER HANDLING TO AVOID FURTHER CONTACT! This one is rather self-explanatory (typing, with a rueful smile).
***THE PRECEDING ANNOUNCEMENT WAS BROUGHT TO YOU BY THE RESIDENT CHEF AND DOMESTIC ENGINEER AND HER FAMILY…ALL ARE RECOVERING NICELY, THANK YOU!