Fifteen years ago, I had my first, and I had hoped only, trip to the hospital in an ambulance. I had been in a serious automobile accident…an ambulance ride was pretty much a given.

Yesterday morning, I had my second ride…this time picked up from my living room after a frightening bout of non-stop vomiting followed by repeated loss of consciousness…the slightest movement and “lights out.” It was terrifying…I couldn’t articulate what was wrong. It felt like everything…at one point I felt as though I were dying, fading, drifting…I remember calling for “Jesus…”Jesus, please help me…” “Jesus, I love you…” Then nothingness…

I awoke in an ambulance with an oxygen mask on my face. I remember a discussion amongst the EMTs that they couldn’t establish a line…all my veins were collapsed. They roused me, asked me to sign a paper. I remember picking up the pen and trying to put it to the paper. As soon as I lifted my head…gone, again.

I awoke in the ER…I don’t know how long I had been there. My clothes had been removed, wires attached here and there…an IV was in place and it seemed as though the fog was lifting. Slight movement still caused me to lose consciousness, but I was no longer vomiting. Lots of questions. I answered them as well as I could, hubby filling in the missing pieces. There seemed to be no explanation.


Wednesday was a great day. Less pain. I actually ventured to the kitchen in my wheelchair for the very first time since the surgery. I helped the boys establish some order, offered a few tips, instructed the oldest on making stir fry and then retired to the recliner to knit. I felt a real sense of accomplishment just doing that little bit. Wednesday evening : a pleasant meal. Hubby and oldest decided to make a grocery store run and returned with chocolate. I took my before bed meds, ate 3 Hershey’s miniatures and watched Seinfeld. I remember it was a particularly vile episode, so I hit the internet and then retired to bed.

I slept better than I had in ages. When I awoke, nothing felt amiss. It wasn’t until I sat up that everything in my line of vision shifted. I felt this horrible…”wrongness”…a sense of dread. “Roger,” I said. “Something’s wrong. Something’s very wrong!” I felt a pain in my chest, a wave of nausea and then began vomiting. I passed out. Repeatedly. Throughout the time that hubby got me out of bed, down the stairs. I remember begging God to “spare him…please spare him this!” I remember passing out in the bathroom. And then being wheeled to the recliner.

Ambulance.  Hospital.  Tests.

Tests, tests, tests. CT brain scan. Heart and chest xray. Venous ultrasound. CT heart scan with contrast. Bloodwork. Between the failed attempts at IV and blood draws, more than 15 needle marks…the big concerns were blood clot, stoke or heart attack.  I didn’t feel ill…just “wrong.”

Conclusion? They don’t know. I don’t know. I’m weak. Still mildly disoriented, but only mildly and only when I move. My body aches. There’s a possibility that the ibuprofen, acetaminophen and aspirin may be causing some kind of problem, but I’ve never, ever had problems before…and I’ve been taking them in decreasing amounts over the past three weeks. The two day supply of pain medication my doctor gave me nearly two weeks ago still contains a few pills.  My surgeon has pulled the ER records and is forwarding them to my family doctor.  In the meantime, I’m discontinuing all medications until further investigation.  It’s awful to have nothing for the pain…but that’s all it is…pain.

Your prayers would be very much appreciated.  Primarily for my family…this has been so hard on them.  Yesterday was frightening…I don’t want them to have to go through that again.  Please pray that we find an answer, or at least that it doesn’t recur.  It rather felt like a brush with death but my comfort remains that when I feared death I remembered to call Jesus, the Holy Name that saves…