Dear friends…I’m so very poor at updating this blog. Sometimes, it’s much easier to simply hit the “publish” button, to put something up that’s been in the wings for awhile. But then I post a spontaneous and urgent prayer request…and lack the good manners to update you!
Please forgive me. I blame my scattered brain, lack of forethought, Facebook and other social media. It seems that I post updates here and there, tell and retell the tale, and ultimately forget that not all the world is on the same page! And I think I need to trim a few of those pages, too…
So here’s the update: I’m frustrated. A bit discouraged. I had emergency surgery two nights ago, expecting that a very large, obstructing kidney stone would be removed and all would be well. Unfortunately, the urologist decided that the best procedure would be to push that stone back up into my kidney, put in a stent and schedule me for lithotripsy in two weeks.
Two weeks! There was no discussion as to whether this was the path we wanted to take (there are other choices)…and his manner is brusque and abrasive to say the very least. So abrasive, that I’ve been trying desperately to find another urologist to take my case…but they can’t and won’t because this doctor has left me with a half-completed procedure. Lithotripsy is non-invasive, but isn’t always successful on the first or second attempt with really large stones…it also necessitates the “passing” of the disintegrated material. And this new adventure required the cancellation of my surgical follow-up with the orthopedic surgeon and a cessation of physical therapy until further notice. So I’m home…lots of pain medication and rest…and it all seems so very surreal.
I know this is God’s will…and so many really beautiful things happened in the process of the diagnosis. The physician that ordered the CT scan and found the stone is a homeschooler. Cool. On the pillow of my hospital bed was a lovely rose with a note: we want to give you the very best of care. Very cool. Roses are always a very special sign for me. And then my night nurses: Mary (one of 16 children) and Mercy. Extremely cool. I felt very much that all was according to God’s plan.
Until after the surgery that wasn’t really a surgery. My thinking is so flawed. All those pleasant things are, of course, God’s will. But the moment something unpleasant pops up, I want to think “this can’t be God’s will!” If only I could just live in the moment and stop looking to the left and right. I know I must look straight ahead, and take the good with the bad. But I’m just…so…tired.
It seems that physical suffering is around every corner. I truly don’t mind the pain part…it’s what happens to my family that causes the greatest sorrow. There’s so much I want for them, things I want to do with them and for them. I do these things and rejoice…and then I’m knocked back 6 giant, sliding steps by a rogue wave…
So that’s it. More than you really want to know and probably more whining than anyone really needs to read. But it’s all I have right now…I’m wearing out the prayer line to Heaven and I thank each and everyone of you who’ve offered prayers on my behalf. God is merciful…all will be well…