On December 27 we made our way home to Columbus, stressed-out brain-injured daughter and all her comfort items in tow…

Her release from the acute care ward of the Neurosciences floor was nothing short of miraculous…her lack of understanding of the severity of the injury, however, a troubling side effect of severe head trauma.

December 28th…

A pleasant evening…and then an odd morning.  She was slow…her walk…her speech…her mental accuity…and then there was the troublesome nasal discharge…CSF?  We called the neuro surgeon on call in Kentucky.

“Take her to OSU…”

And here we are.  Back again.  IVs and CAT scans…scary words like brain surgery, rehabilitation, long term implications, neuro-recovery…these are the new vocabulary words that fill our conversation.

She wept when she saw the CT scan…but it was the only way the neuro surgeons could convince her to stay and not leave.  “My head is so broken…”  Like a caged animal, she paced and raged in the small room that seem to close in on all her hopes and dreams…

And my heart breaks for her.  Because she wants to be gone.  To run away.  To be done with all this.  She’s so terrified of what’s ahead.  Everyone seems to be an enemy and every setback an insurmmountable obstacle.  Tomorrow:  another contrast CT to see if she’s leaking CSF or if there is a continuing bleed in an artery adjacent to the sphenoid sinus.

Her team of doctors and rehabilitative professionals are doing all they can to encourage her to stay here, in Columbus…but she doesn’t want to.

She fears dependence like nothing else right now…and she needs to be able to lean in and be held up for awhile.  Please pray for her comfort.  For peace of mind.  For enough cognitive function to make good decisions.  As an adult trauma patient, no one can force her to do even what’s best.  We want nothing more than her independence and good health…it’s so hard to feel that she sees her parents as supporting the “enemy…”

Oh, that my heart were lighter…that my faith were greater…but it is only grace that is carrying me along right now.  I’m spent…right to the last nickel.  But I do know that it’s usually when things are darkest that we see the Light.

Light of Christ…illuminate me!  Dispel the darkness…drive out despair…guide us to that perfect understanding of your holy will…