Why do you homeschool? Not that it’s any of my business,but this has been the focus of my day…remembering why my husband and I decided that homeschooling was the best choice for our family.
In, out and in again…our journey has not always been smooth. The first time around (we have homeschooled from 1995 to the present, with an 18 month “break”), I took so much for granted. Two extremely difficult pregnancies and the extended recovery for each, muddled my perception.
Here are the lies I told myself:
“My children are not receiving the education they deserve.”
(I put them in public school after having done very little for six months and they all entered at the top of their classes in the middle of the school year.)
“I’m not giving the younger children the focused attention they need.”
(My children were not whiny, clingy, maladjusted, psychological basket cases…their mother was! A direct result due to a lack of confidence from the many lies I was telling myself)
“It would be so much easier to put them on the bus in the morning and let someone else do all of this.”
(The biggest lie of all…it was so hard…like bottle-feeding versus nursing…time consuming, divisive to the family relationships, in other words, extremely difficult. And my children were sick, physically ill for the 18 month span of their return to public education.)
So how did it happen? Well, I forgot why I was homeschooling…
So here is my “memory jogger.” It is the Sacred Heart Academy mission statement, which will be framed and hung in the classroom as a reminder for us all:
Mission Statement for Sacred Heart Academy
“Seek ye therefore first the kingdom of God, and his justice, and all these things shall be added unto you.” Matthew 6:33
May God grant that we, as parent-educators remember:
We are raising saints as well as scholars.
Holiness, respect and a spirit of obedience are to be cultivated with loving patience.
Home is to be the peaceful harbor, the safe-haven of rest and refreshment, as our family travels the narrow path to sanctity.
With the goal of sanctity before us, by encouraging the intellectual and academic development of our scholars, we will provide the Church with fearless and intelligent “defenders of the Faith.”
There have been challenges during that past 3 years that have, from time to time, shook my confidence, but never my conviction that this is the best possible choice for our family.
I face this year, armed with a set of resolutions, a mission statement, a short list of needed texts and the sure knowledge that the graces given by our dear Lord, will more than equip my husband and I to face up to the challenge of home education.
A mission statement…if you don’t have one, write one! You’ll be glad you did.
When Homeschooling Seems Impossible…
Friends…I’d like to share an open letter to all homeschooling moms. Most especially, those of you who think you simply can’t do this anymore. In the past few weeks, I’ve encountered so many moms who are stressed, filled with self-doubt and discouragement. There are so many who are considering abandoning homeschooling for all the wrong reasons. I would like to share my story in hopes that no one ever undergoes the same suffering that our family experienced, or at least, offer the advice that I never sought.
Dear “mom”
I’m a homeschooling mother of 9 and had been homeschooling for many years when the stress of two back to back pregnancies and bed rest, coupled with near paralysis and postpartum depression, caused me to doubt my ability to effectively parent and educate my children. I began to feel that my physical incapacity and obvious emotional weakness was damaging my children. I told myself that I was crazy to continue this way. That they would get along better if they weren’t in each other’s faces day and night. That it would be a relief to not have to keep records or worry about being accountable for my “failure.” In other words…I felt more like a lousy parent than a lousy home educator and feared that my children would judge me harshly one day for the many ways that I was failing at my vocation. I didn’t want the guilt of it all, anymore. So I cried. I begged and pleaded with my husband. I told him I simply couldn’t do it anymore. Never once during this time did any of my friends have a clue just how much I was suffering. I didn’t seek the wisdom and counsel of mothers who had been down this path before. I was far too ashamed. I seemed to really have it all together, on the surface. Goodness, people sought my advice! They looked to me for solutions for their problems…how could I ever let them know how much I was suffering?
So my husband, out of his great love and concern for my physical and emotional well-being, allowed me to return the five children that were homeschooling at that time, back to public school. We lived in a very small town, with an excellent school less than three miles from my house. I packed lunches, loaded backpacks, signed up for PTA and Band Boosters and became a Homeroom Mother. My children joined the dance team, band, academic team, theater, basketball, tennis, track, drum corp and Raptor club. I (along with the younger children) spent my time in the car, chauffering to the next event, waiting for the bus and keeping appointments. I had told myself that we would continue faith formation after school…but there was never any time. If the children weren’t in some type of practice, then homework, dinner, bath and bedtime were all we ever had time for.
But those were the little things…the worst of it? The relationship the children had with one another completely disappeared. They became jealous and argumentative. They wanted to hang out with their school friends, not the pesky little brother or sister. And they were sick. Horribly, miserably sick. During our homeschooling days, none of the children had been on an antibiotic for more than 5 years. After entering public education, we were in the emergency room, doctor’s office or urgent care center a minimum of once a week. Three months after entering public school, every single one of them came down with community acquired pneumonia. Then strep. And so on. It was horrific. I watched our family relationships disintegrate, as we were all so very exhausted and sick so much of the time. This went on for eighteen months. During this time, I never once considered that perhaps we would be better off homeschooling. After all, what could I offer them compared to all the great things they were participating in at public school? My heart was broken as I realized that I had thrown away a beautiful thing…that I had sacrificed a temporary stress for permanent suffering. And I would NEVER ask them if they wanted to come back. It would be too painful to be rejected in such a way.
Then one day, as I was lamenting to a friend just how much my children had changed, how my family was not the same, and was also encouraging her in pursuing her goal of homeschooling, she asked me why I didn’t just ask them if they wanted to come home. “Right,” I said. “Like they would. Here, I’ll show you…Hey son…how would you like to come back home for school?” Without hesitation he says: “I could come home? Really? And not go back? Sure!” I sobbed aloud. I said “You don’t mean it! You have basketball and academic team…you would really come back?” He said: “Mom…I’m exhausted. I never have time to play anymore. I’m sick a lot. I want to come home.” A quick survey revealed that all of the children were ready to return home. That no matter the allurement, they wanted to come back to the place where faith, family and love reigned.
One month later, they were back. It has taken a few years to undo the damage. We had to rebuild relationships and trust, but we are all committed to this crazy idea we call home education. It is hard. Some days are harder than others. But we’ve remembered why we’re doing this. We want a strong family of faith. We are raising saints and not scholars. We want our children to love one another and look to the example of those who love them best. When they were away…there was just never enough time, no matter how good our intentions were.
Dearest mother…if there is anyway you can think a little longer on this, I urge you to. Just to be sure that you won’t suffer the way my family did. I offer you no judgment whatsoever, I’ve been where you are. I know how painful it is. I just wish that someone, anyone had offered me counsel…I just didn’t ask for it. I hope that by sharing my story, you will find within yourself the strength to persevere in the face of seeming impossibility. You can do it. God will give you all the graces you ask Him for.
Please…ask.
June 23, 2008 at 4:21 pm
Dear Kimberly,
I have loved reading your blog. I know just what you mean about never having any time for anything meaningful when the children are in school/ I get so frustrated. I have four beautiful children but although I am at home I never seem to spend any time with them where I am not telling them to go faster or to eat more quickly or hurry if they want a story! It is my absolute dream to homeschool but we have not taken the plunge. Our eldest son is at private school in an attempt to give him a traditional education and our second son is due to begin in September. He won a scholarship. However this is causing us a lot of stress because we can’t really afford it. I really don’t want to have to get a job as our daughter is only 18 months old and I fear this feeling of fragmentation of the family that I feel will get worse if I do.
We are thinking it might be easier to send them back to our local school. No money worries, no toing and froing between schools in the car. The children would be able to join loads of clubs. Unfortunately I know all my old problems would come back. Lack of discipline and no traditional education mean again we would find school very frustrating. When you can see how you would like a job done it is very hard to stand by and watch somebody else do it!
I hope your daughter and grandson are doing well
Best wishes
Clare
August 11, 2008 at 4:10 pm
Thank you so much for this posting — it is exactly what I needed to read after a difficult day doubting myself and my abilities as a mother and home educator as I try to juggle home educating my eldest two (6 1/2 and 4 1/2) with nurturing my 21 month old and wondering how on earth I will cope when our next little blessing appears around the new year. I just need to trust and pray … and relax.
God bless and thank you again.
August 11, 2008 at 10:25 pm
Antonia:
I’m so glad you’ve found comfort in this post. I read it from time to time to keep my perspective. As often as we are assailed by doubts, our Lord wishes us to have faith and confidence.
My prayers are with you. May you have a blessed school year and congratulations as you await your newest little blessing!
Kimberly
October 13, 2008 at 12:01 pm
hlola
February 19, 2009 at 7:23 pm
Thank you! I definitely needed to read this right now!
May the Lord bless and keep your family!
~Kathy
March 30, 2009 at 2:14 pm
Your words resonate familiarity in my heart more than you
know…and I thank you for sharing them.
You may enjoy reading “Overwhelmed” on my Thoughts to Ponder page at my DAILY BLESSINGS website:
http://www.momoften.webs.com/
I am SO HAPPY that the Lord led you to bring your children back home!
God bless!
July 27, 2009 at 6:42 am
Thanks for this article. I am debating a homeschooling program offered two days away from home and the other days at home. I don’t know why but I feel it would be more effective if I stay with what I am doing. What program do you use? We are on a tight budget this year.
July 27, 2009 at 9:26 am
Hi Pat…you’re definitely on track with staying with what works. It can be tempting (and expensive!) the switch gears in mid stream. I use a combination of resources (no pre-packaged curriculum) and combine classes with many of my children to save time and money. The most expensive child to educate is the high school student. He doesn’t take classes with his siblings…he works independently. The rest use the same history and science texts, the same spelling text (Spelling Power) and art and music are also the the same. Don’t forget the internet…there are so many wonderful resources out there!
Above all, pray! Make sure that you give all to our Lord in prayer…He’ll lead you where you need to go. Once you’ve made a decision, trust and stick with it! May God bless you…
September 30, 2009 at 9:57 pm
Thank-you so much for your honesty.Our family has gone through similar things. It was almost as if I was seeing my thoughts put on your site. I had even asked my husband about putting the children back in school. After reading your site, I have remembered why we did this in the first place and our children will definitely be staying home. Your letter has been a true blessing, thank -you for sharing and may God bless you and your family.
October 3, 2009 at 3:16 pm
Dear Amanda:
You are so very welcome…may God bless you and yours throughout your homeschooling journey!
Kimberly
June 11, 2010 at 3:24 pm
Hi Kimberly,
I am the mother of seven children, five of whom are school age. We have been sending our children to a wonderful Catholic school that had thirty children K-12. They have closed and now it seems the best thing for my children would be to homeschool. I have never considered it to be an option for us. During one hour at adoration, my heart changed and have committed to the thought of homeschooling. Where do I start? I have been reading your blog for quite some time and have learned so much from you. Please pray for us. I’m so scared. Can I do this?
Connie
August 5, 2010 at 1:27 am
Thank you! Your letter was beautiful!
November 2, 2010 at 2:35 pm
Hi — I just happened across this link. Somehow in the past, I had found your blog and bookmarked it. Today I was going through my bookmarks and decided to check in. Wow! Very timely. I have four children, two of whom are school age. My “big girls” attend a local Catholic school that is wonderful however it is closing at the end of this year. We have been discerning whether to send to another Catholic school or try the public option. I think I need to add prayerfully the homeschool option to our choices and see what happens, how God speaks to me. Next year I will have a third grader and a fifth grader plus a 3 yr old and 1 yr old. I’m tired frankly of driving here and there. Every single day has at least one thing scheduled and our Fridays are horrible with my 9 yr old being at school for nearly 12 hrs! So when you wrote about that aspect, it really resonated with me. On the other hand, as a Catholic revert, I have benefitted from being part of a Catholic community with the school, most of the parents are much better formed in their faith than I and that helped my parenting. I guess I need to look and see what is out there and trust that God will help me place my children where they need to be.
November 23, 2011 at 4:17 pm
Thank you for this post. This is so encouraging. Sometimes, I get very very tired of homeschooling – not so much of the work but of the stubbornness that my child exhibits sometimes. Sometimes, only the thought that we are doing it for his soul’s welfare and God’s honor keep me going.
November 27, 2011 at 10:21 pm
So happy you found my words encouraging…I have to re-read them myself, from time to time! Mothering and teaching are such challenges, but you are so right…keeping our motivation before us is the key to success! God’s blessings…
November 29, 2011 at 5:29 pm
I needed to read this today. We have been blessed with 12 children, and we’ve been homeschooling since 1996. There have been times when life got so overwhelming (my mother moving in when she had lung cancer, and I had a serious burn accident, and twice more when I just got burned out) that I’ve put them in school. It never lasts, though. I’m sure my school district thinks I’m crazy. I don’t care. Today, I have a cold, and my energy is disappearing with the short days right now. I woke up and made it to mass (I can go alone, since I have college kids living at home), then threw together cheese quesadillas for breakfast, since we’re out of milk, bread, and eggs and I didn’t have the energy to go to the store. My kids have been watching PBS all morning. My 5yo woke up with a sore throat, so I ended up going to the store for popsicles. On the way, the 5yo looked up at the sky and said, “I’m observing the clouds, and it looks like its going to rain.” Got popsicles and a bunch of other stuff, and still forgot the milk and eggs. Sigh. But we got the candy for our “Secret Angels”… we have been doing this for years during Advent, each family member gets someone to pray for / do special things for / leave little notes of love and perhaps a piece of candy for one week, and each Sunday in Advent we reveal the Angels and pick new ones.) I checked in on the other kids when we got back, and they said, “mom, we did science with Sid the Science kid, now we’re learning words with WordGirl.” Later we may try your Advent Spiral, or just make some ornaments from the Nativity cookie cutters I have. And you know what? This will be a great school day. My kids are secure in the love of their parents and God Our Father, they love and respect each other (most of the time…), and they are growing and learning every day. What more could we possibly need?
November 30, 2011 at 5:06 am
Dearest Marcia:
Thank you so much for sharing a glimpse of a just one day in the life of a home educating family! The love, security and faith that you are providing your children mean more than algebra. This is real. It’s hard. It takes everything we have. The best days are often the ones that are totally unscripted, unplanned and filled with the spontaneity of daily living. May God bless you on your journey…
June 7, 2012 at 3:36 am
With all of these unusual liberal education courses, bullying and overall abuse that is in our public schools, I think homeschooling should be considered as a serious option for every family. I learned a bit in Catholic school and virtually nothing in public school. Homeschooling provides a moral and religious foundation that teaches much more than just reading and mathematics.
September 30, 2012 at 10:00 am
I’m in tears…so happy to read of your encouraging words. I have 7 and the oldest is ten. It can be so overwhelming. The Blessed Mother must have us in her care because the children have such beautiful little souls – I don’t want them corrupted; not on my watch.
I use Seton. My biggest frustration – not one of them seems to get help when they need it, just a little of mom here and there. But send them away – then no mom at all. I feel ready to fight.
May Almighty God bless you.
September 30, 2012 at 9:03 pm
Jenny:
It’s so delightful to hear from and I pray that your homeschool journey is filled with joy and the peaceful conviction that, despite the ups and downs, you are glorifying God through your efforts to impart a faith-based education for your young ones. For those of us called to this mission, it is a solemn charge, but one for which He so faithfully will equip us. May God bless you and your dear family…
August 30, 2014 at 7:56 am
Hi from Melbourne. We recently went through a stressful time with my husband’s job and his family putting pressure on me to step up to the plate and return to work and not h/s our only child (they are not practising Catholics). They are against h/s completely. They have been quite insulting and nasty so instead we packed up and left the state! We now live in a place where my husband only needs to work part-time, and our faith is enriched by meeting wonderful (practising) Catholic h/s families. Plus we have time to study our faith further. God lead us to where we needed to be. Blessings to you and yours.